“Waiter, pardon me…”

“… but I think there’s some food in my ass.”

Last week, I happened to attend a class at IMSL taught by cru, entitled “Up Yours, Asshole”.

As we entered the room, we noticed a table laid out with quite a variety of items.  The first few, including a couple of pre-carved pieces of ginger, a carrot stick, and an english cucumber, looked not at all unreasonable, and in fact almost boring.   The banana, on the other hand, was a little more puzzling, and left me wondering whether it would be peeled or left intact.  But it was the serrano chili pepper, an artichoke, and a kielbasa sausage so curved as to nearly have its ends meet, that piqued my curiosity and kept me glued to my seat for the entire class… except when I went up to the front for a better view.

Both demo bottoms (A. and B.) started with the ginger.  cru confirmed my hypothesis (from my last attempt) that using lube with ginger entirely precludes the desired response (but highly recommended lube (and condoms) for all other anal activities), and told us that fifteen minutes was the optimal amount of time to keep the ginger in; twenty was not as good, and twenty-five was pushing it.  The effect of the ginger was truly impressive: about a minute after it went in A’s ass, his face turned bright red.  It was clear it was having quite an effect on him, and it’s definitely something I want to try again, without the lube.  B, on the other hand, supposedly had an ass of steel, and claimed to find the ginger boring.  A looked quite relieved after it was removed; B continued to look bored.

After a carrot to help stretch A out a bit further, cru produced the banana.  Much to the chagrin of several members of the class, he partially peeled the banana, and inserted the side which still had the peel into A’s ass.  Then, of course, he proceeded to eat some of the banana.  I’m not sure what this felt like, but the disconcerted expression on A’s fact was rather entertaining.

In the meantime, B’s master had been preparing the chili pepper, by creating slits on the sides (so more of the juices could run out), and carving it a bit.  Despite his effort though, she was still pretty blase’ about the pepper; apparently she had taken habanero hot sauce up her ass at some point, which would not be a great idea for mere mortals.  Kids, do not try this at home!

The next interesting item to come out was the kielbasa.  A kielbasa, for those of you who do not know, is a polish sausage.  This particular one curved nearly all the way around.  cru started by inserting it into B’s ass, and it looked possible that he was going to be able to get the other end near or possibly into her vagina, but unfortunately it broke before that could be accomplished.

The audience was clamoring at this point to find out what cru was going to do with the artichoke.  He admitted that it had just been for amusement value; hey, playing with food is fun, playing with asses is fun, why not play with both and have twice the fun!  How can you not cheer up at the thought of something like this beauty protruding from your favorite person’s ass?

Finally, after another warmup for A with the cucumber, cru fisted him.  It turned out that this was A’s first fisting (brave soul), and so this was a very impressive demo; both cru and A had to work hard for it.  It was inspiring to watch!

What’s your favorite insertable food item?

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