“Waiter, pardon me…”

banana

“… but I think there’s some food in my ass.”

Last week, I happened to attend a class at IMSL taught by cru, entitled “Up Yours, Asshole”.

As we entered the room, we noticed a table laid out with quite a variety of items.  The first few, including a couple of pre-carved pieces of ginger, a carrot stick, and an english cucumber, looked not at all unreasonable, and in fact almost boring.   The banana, on the other hand, was a little more puzzling, and left me wondering whether it would be peeled or left intact.  But it was the serrano chili pepper, an artichoke, and a kielbasa sausage so curved as to nearly have its ends meet, that piqued my curiosity and kept me glued to my seat for the entire class… except when I went up to the front for a better view.

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Figging for Fun?

ginger

Last week, I was figged. Figging, oddly enough, does not involve figs.  Instead, it describes the action of taking ginger and inserting it into an ass (or possibly a vagina).  It is supposed to cause a burning sensation, and if you believe the, er, literature, to also cause an increase in what are euphemistically referred to as “sexual desires”.

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Dildo Specifications

Fatty“, made by Square Peg.

6″ tall, head 5.5″ circumference, near base 8″ circumference.
“Great, smaller toy with a bit of a stretch in it. Beginner.”

Beginner?!??

Anal Sex Cured my Hemorrhoids

“The doctor said it was hemorrhoids, and to get some Preparation H to put on it” I said when I got home from the doctor’s office.

“It’s because you’ve been having anal sex!” my fiancé accused.

The truth is up to that point I had never had anal sex, I had no interest in anal sex, I wasn’t even sure how you had anal sex. I couldn’t figure out why he would be so upset about that. I mean, did he want to do it and was thinking that I was doing it with someone else? Rob had never said anything about it; I couldn’t imagine him even being interested.

I never thought I would have anal sex. Sure, my boyfriend Steve was bugging me to do it constantly but my fiancé Rob had never even mentioned it. The thought of having something up my ass was so disturbing that I wouldn’t even consider doing it.

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