“Waiter, pardon me…”

“… but I think there’s some food in my ass.”

Last week, I happened to attend a class at IMSL taught by cru, entitled “Up Yours, Asshole”.

As we entered the room, we noticed a table laid out with quite a variety of items.  The first few, including a couple of pre-carved pieces of ginger, a carrot stick, and an english cucumber, looked not at all unreasonable, and in fact almost boring.   The banana, on the other hand, was a little more puzzling, and left me wondering whether it would be peeled or left intact.  But it was the serrano chili pepper, an artichoke, and a kielbasa sausage so curved as to nearly have its ends meet, that piqued my curiosity and kept me glued to my seat for the entire class… except when I went up to the front for a better view.

Figging for Fun?

Last week, I was figged. Figging, oddly enough, does not involve figs.  Instead, it describes the action of taking ginger and inserting it into an ass (or possibly a vagina).  It is supposed to cause a burning sensation, and if you believe the, er, literature, to also cause an increase in what are euphemistically referred to as “sexual desires”.

We Did *What* Last Night? Consensual Date Rape

Recently I heard about a kink that I hadn’t heard of before, involving ambien, a sleep aid drug.

Ambien makes people sleepy. However, when taken in larger than prescribed quantities, or when combined with alcohol, it seems to have other effects. The manufacturer’s website states:

Complex behaviors such as “sleep-driving” (i.e., driving while not fully awake after ingestion of a sedative-hypnotic, with amnesia for the event) have been reported…. Other complex behaviors (e.g., preparing and eating food, making phone calls, or having sex) have been reported in patients who are not fully awake after taking a sedative-hypnotic. As with “sleep-driving”, patients usually do not remember these events.

Blood: It’s what’s for dinner

Pop! Goes the Bottom

The first piercing that I ever had was late at night, at the SF Citadel, from a couple that I had not played with before.  After what I remember as a very fun caning (my first), they decided to try needles on me as well.  I had not seen the attraction of needles prior to that night, and, frankly, still didn’t afterwards.  We were pressed for time, and although they pierced allegedly sensitive areas of my body (breasts and nipples), the entire situation was hurried, the needles were very very small, and the experience didn’t leave much of an impression on me.  I wasn’t hostile to needles afterward, but definitely skeptical.

Pressure Point Orgasm?

I attended Lady Thorn’s Fetish Flea Market last weekend, where numerous vendors had products old and new up for sale. One of the vendors was there, as he often is, with a selection of necklaces, arm bands, and claws, all of which he makes by working metal in interesting patterns; I will call him Thomas. This time, however, Thomas had an assistant helping him work the booth, who I will call Julia. With her assistance, he was demoing a pressure point on the back of the neck that apparently causes orgasms in some women. His claim was that many women achieve much pleasure from the pressure point, some orgasm from it, and it has no effect whatsoever on 15% of women. Furthermore, allegedly the more often you have it done to you, the easier it is to orgasm from it.

Tits and Marks

Marks left after a scene are often a delightful reminder of a special time.  Sometimes they happen to look really cool too.  And sometimes, after playing with far too many partners in far too short of a time, well, you can see the results.  But hey, it was my birthday month!

As I recover from my overindulgences, I look back at the year with a smile on my face, love in my heart, and bruises, scratches, and holes all over my body… and wonder what the next year will bring.

Journeyman Academy Graduation

On Sunday, I attended the the graduation of the cadets of the 2008 Journeyman III Academy of California, held at the San Francisco Citadel (the local dungeon).  From what I can tell as an outsider, the academy is a pretty amazing institution, and graduation from it is a big deal.  The audience that showed up included many prominent members of the BDSM community, and the guest speaker list was impressive, including Master Mike Aylett, Master Skip Chasey, and VG Smith & Sarah Auberon.

The academy serves a valuable role in preserving Leather culture.  In their words, it is a “forum for advanced training in Leather traditions and history, D/s relationship issues, advanced S/m play, and Leather spirituality.”  The program is a serious undertaking.  It lasts 18 months, and requires a commitment of at least a full weekend a month, in addition to outside readings and homework assignments.  It is intended to be difficult and grueling.

Say What?

Ever had one of those “did I just hear that?” situations?  One afternoon, a vanilla friend of mine and I were discussing our respective plans for the following evening.  He said, “I’m headed up to the city for a suspension clinic.”   My mind immediately started racing in all different directions (“Did I mishear him?”  “Did he just come out to me?”  “That’s totally not a beginner class, and besides I don’t know of any suspension clinics this weekend.”).  I’m out to him, but not in his face about it, so I really wasn’t sure what to do.  In a fit of brilliance, I said something non-committal like “that’s nice”, and promptly changed the subject.  Later in the conversation, after I felt up to it, I asked him to clarify what his clinic was about… and discovered it was about motorcycle suspension.

I told him (and the two others who were there) what I had thought, and it has been a mutual source of amusement ever since.